Day 5 again.

It's been a while and I have been drinking like a fish. Today is day 5 again and I feel a bit more settled this time.

I'm starting to feel more like myself. I forgot that I could feel this way. I have been so used to being drunk/hungover/withdrawal for so long that I have lost who I am.

I have been focusing on drinking a lot of water because I let myself get too dehydrated for too long.

Physically, I am scared to go to the doctor. There's no way my liver has not been affected, but that is on the back burner. Right now, all I can do is focus on staying sober, sometimes 5 minutes at a time.

I have a lot of really good things happening too. I am starting a new job that has the potential to be exactly what I want with good opportunity. I am going on vacation with my partner in a little less than a month. We are going to a Caribbean island.

I have gained so much weight, but I am hoping focusing on eating nourishing food, hydration, and getting some exercise will take care of that. It's going to take some time to get my health back on track for sure.

I am feeling a lot of gratitude today. I have connected so much more with my partner. It's scary how disconnected I become from him. It's not fair to him at all.