Baby steps.

I followed through with something today. Even though I was hungover. Even though I didn't want to do it.

I think one of the worst things about alcoholism is that it has turned me into someone who does not keep their word to people. Especially to people I love. I have let this steal so much of my life, which is bad enough, but it has stolen life from people I love and care about more than anything and anyone. My daughter. My partner. My child is grown and I missed the chance to give her the parent she deserved. I will never, ever be able to make up for that. It guts me. It wasn't because I didn't love her. Love doesn't fix everything.

I think I'm getting to the point where I am finally going to be able to face this and own the pain I have caused her. I have let pride steal life.

I was thinking last night about how amazing it would be to just live with no secrets. Without hiding who I am and my past.

It's amazing how this one small act of follow through is such a big deal.

I am an infant. I need to learn how to live again.