Suicide Solution.

I'm still not sober. Every day I wake up thinking today will be the day. Well, that's a lie. Every night when I go to bed I wake up thinking I'll get sober, and then I drink.

I don't think I have much more time if I don't stop drinking. 

Insanity. 

Maybe I don't want to live.

Suicide solution. 

How selfish. I have people who love me and I think it will break their heart if I don't stop drinking. It's time to man up. 

I know how much drinking has helped me survive though. It's hard to give that up. 

I can honestly say that without drinking, I would never have been able to chill out enough to dive deep into myself and into my career path. 

..but it's also kept me from succeeding. I think I'm so overwhelmed with life that I can't even imagine being sober for any length of time. I am an infant when it comes to my emotions and ability to cope.

I've got to figure this out because I do want to live.

I want to succeed in my life. I want to forgive myself for everything so I don't keep drinking out of the extreme guilt I experience whenever I am sober for more than 2 days.