Afternoon musing.

I am 100% sure I would have drank today if I hadn't eaten breakfast and lunch. I started my day with a lot of watermelon and that was super hydrating.

My blood sugar is totally normal today. I'm fairly certain I do not have diabetes, but I know the doctor has to determine that. I am working up the courage to go in for my blood work. (I'm worried about my liver function test).

I feel empty and on edge. Blood pressure and pulse are good.

I'm psyching myself up for the fight of my life. I'm psyching myself up to feel like all of my nerves are exposed to bitter cold wind. It's just going to be like this for a while. I feel like I've lost my best friend.

It was like this when I quit smoking (successfully -  it's been 15 years).. it was like this when I quit xanax. Of course, I self medicated with alcohol big time when I quit.. but it was still difficult psychologically not to mention the physical withdrawal was pure hell.

My danger time for drinking is between noon and 5 pm. I'm usually finished with work by noon or I work from home doing paperwork and things on my computer,.

I have my big work event coming up Sunday..  life is so much harder when you're drunk and hungover all the time.. getting things done and getting into the social mode required is very stressful when I'm trying to manage alcohol. I'm really hoping I can manage to get sober this time. Day 3 and 4 are big trigger days.