Compulsion.

I'm awake and not hungover. I hear the birds. I'm drinking my coffee. I'm doing some work and last minute preparation for an important work meeting later in the day.

I'm on day 2 again. I need to run some errands.

I don't seem to be in alcohol withdrawal, so that's good. BP is normal. Heart rate is normal.

The perpetual cycle of drunk/withdrawal/hangover is so exhausting. I keep telling myself I don't have to ever live that way again.

Compulsion. It's so beyond craving. It's its own entity, swallowing me whole.

I want to run away, but I know that I can never get away from me. and IT. Been there, done that. The only way out is through. I just don't know how to do it.

That's a lie. I do know how.