The Doctor.

I have been avoiding the doctor for so long.

I will go in for my physical and bloodwork.

I've been feeling like SHIT for so long, which is not a surprise given the alcohol.

I have been worried about my blood sugar for a while (thinking it must be really HIGH) so I finally ordered a kit online and over the last three days have realized that I am really hypoglycemic. Alcohol can cause this, especially when I don't eat so I can get the alcohol in my system faster. 

I have had so much trouble sleeping for so long, and I think part of the reason is that my blood sugar plummets at night and I wake up with my heart pounding, dizzy, and sick. I thought it was withdrawal, but my blood pressure and heart rate are usually OK... but I still feel this way.. my fasting blood sugar this morning was 49. 

I don't want to die. I don't want to give myself diabetes. 

I need to confront this fear. I need to be honest with my doctor.

Last year, my partner and I were in a big box store, and I literally almost passed out. Things started to go grey... and I was so dizzy. I had to put my head between my knees holding on to the cart.

I do not drive while drinking EVER...  so I need to see this as a safety issue for the public. My blood sugar issues are dangerous for me while driving I'm sure... it was enough to stop me from drinking and driving many years ago.. the thought of hurting someone.. so I need to treat this the same way.