Feeling so hopeful.

Omg, I had the BEST phone conversation with Sober at 53 yesterday! She reached out to me the other night and gave me her phone number, and I finally got the nerve to actually call her. We had a great talk about sobriety and drinking and what I'm going through and what she has gone through, but then something even more amazing happened. She is pursuing a dream (in the process of it now) that I am trying to pursue as well. I actually met with a woman last week who would be the other part of this in my case and it was amazing to realize that my hopes and dreams are still SO ALIVE. And that I have so much to live for. I have to much to offer this world, but I can't do it unless I am sober. PERIOD.

After the conversation, I felt really happy and I did not drink very much at all. In fact, since I've been in the hotel (since Friday) I have drank MUCH less than I planned.

The counselor yesterday asked me if I remembered what it was like for me when I was sober for the two years, and I do remember it. I struggled a lot (but I think it's because I was doing it 100% on my own). But I also accomplished so much during that time. I taught myself new skills, furthered my career. I kept commitments. I felt free. I will never forget the summer of 2010. I started to make friends again. I socialized. I pursued my dreams. I spent a lot of time at the ocean, breathing in the salt air. I was healing.

Life can be like that again. I am going to create a good support system for myself. I have a place to live for the time being that isn't ideal, BUT, it is a place I can live rent free and a place where I can not drink. I have friends who love me. I have family who loves me.

I am really happy I am in the hotel, because I feel like I'm at home. I needed to come to that realization. This feels like home to me because I have spent so much time in this particular hotel chain when I traveled with my X. The money is money I don't have to spend, but it's giving me peace of mind right now, and instead of paying a full months rent, I'm paying $1300 for the week. It is what it is.