Insanity.

Is this my bottom? I hope so.

I got so sick of not drinking and being around people that I checked into a hotel for 3 days. I check out Monday morning and have an substance abuse intake appointment on Monday afternoon.

I just spent $600 on the hotel and alcohol. I also bought some food so I don't have to leave at all.

I remember doing something similar to this years ago. I checked into a hotel for 3 days and I was so fucking suicidal.

I am somewhat suicidal now, but I won't overtly kill myself. I doubt I will kill myself from drinking either.

I don't have the money to do this. I put it on my credit card. I have around $4000 credit card debt I've wracked up in the past year. A lot of the money is from alcohol.

No one knows that this is my life. No one. Only me. I'm so lonely and alone.

It's my fault. 100% my fault. I have no one to blame buy myself.

Alcoholism is a lonely disease. I don't want to drag other people into it, so I isolate myself 100%.

At least I can be honest here.

I went for three straight days this week without drinking. I was starting to feel better.

Fuck.